Thinking

I just wish P would stop getting mad at me over the smallest things. I wonder when will I be happy again. I also wonder why all my posts are depressing. I just have a depressing life. Time for dreams that are better than reality. Good night blog.

Wishes

I wish, most of all in the world, to be stronger. To be able to get up when I'm down. To pick myself up and dust off the past. To be able to leave when I am not treated right. To be able to say no more and pack up and walk out the door. To not turn around and wonder if what I did was right. To not be under appreciated and respected. To not be lied to and just take it. If I was stronger, I would be able to say I WON'T take this anymore and be able to pick up and leave. To collect the pieces of my broken heart, put them in my pocket for safe keeping, and walk away with my head held high and no regrets. To know I deserve better. To know I deserve to be loved. To know I can do better. To not be ignored any longer  and find someone who truly loves me for me and takes care of me and knows how much I'm worth. To not take me for granted and to love me wholeheartedly, unconditionally, and faithfully.

Is it so wrong to want someone to be there for me? Is that too much to ask for?

Thursday

It's Thursday. I don't know how to explain how my day off went. I had off Wednesday because P had off that day. I don't exactly like the conversation but how he handled it was different than usual and I guess that means something. Just don't know how much it meant. Am I enough..? The question for 6 years, two months, and seven days. This topic will be on my mind for quite some time. The countdown begins. Looks more and more like ill be moving to Cali and leaving everyone I know behind. Including him. It's a sad thought to think but his track record says he will not choose me again. So much for my happy ending.

Thought of the night

I don't take rejection well so does that mean I should stop trying for anything?

Lunchtime!

Shrimp. Ribs. And veggies. Yum

Breakfast

Had breakfast with peters parents for his moms b day. I wish I remembered to get my leftovers ....